This Is How To Feel Better And Achieve Your Goals: 4 Secrets From Research

We all reach a point where we feel hopeless. Your inner monologue sounds like a rejected Alanis Morissette lyric and any level of optimism you possessed is now playing varsity level hide and seek. You’re Cinderella’s ugly stepsister in this fairy tale, and those shoes were never meant for you.

You could use a little hope. Yeah, the thing people love to tattoo in cursive on their ribcage next to a butterfly. It’s the kind of word that feels like it should come pre-packaged with a glitter pen.

Having hope sometimes makes you feel like a gullible fool, like you’re still believing in Santa Claus when you’re pushing 40. Is hope just a long con we pull on ourselves?

Actually, no: “Other conditions being equal, hope leads to a 12 percent gain in academic performance, a 14 percent bump in workplace outcomes, and a 10 percent happiness boost.”

Damn. It’s like happiness on layaway. And the alternative? Uh, bad. Really bad: “When all other differences were statistically controlled, the people who said they felt hopeless were more than twice as likely to die during the follow-up period.”

So hope can make a big difference in your life. But how do we get more of it? Hope is not something you can just increase like your monthly data plan. So that’s why we’re gonna get somebody smart in here to help us tap into it, like an emotional fracking rig.

This week we’ll draw from the book, “Making Hope Happen” by Gallup Scientist Shane Lopez.

Let’s get to it…

 

What is Hope?

It’s not what you think. We’re not talking about the inspirational quote slapped on a throw pillow in your mom’s guest room kind of hope. It’s not just optimism dressed in a feather boa.

Optimism and hope are often lumped together like they’re best pals at some feel-good convention, but they’re really more like distant cousins who tolerate each other at family functions.

Shane makes the distinction: “You’re optimistic if you think the future will be better than the present. You’re hopeful if you think that the future will be better and that you have a role in making it so.”

Optimism is a bias. It can have positive effects but in very difficult situations, optimists struggle. Meanwhile, this is where hopeful people shine because hope involves pragmatic action. It’s belief with a shovel and an old pair of boots.

Look at it this way: optimism is basically a teddy bear in human form, while hope is the grizzled action hero who’s seen it all, knows how the story probably ends, but shows up anyway because, hey, somebody’s got to take charge around here.

So hope isn’t optimism, but nor is it the same as wishing. Like a moth ever drawn to the flame, the human mind is inexplicably attracted to the allure of magical thinking. It’s as if, upon glimpsing the vast, terrifying expanse of the unknown, our brains decide, “You know what? I’m just going to make stuff up. It’s easier that way.”

Then things don’t work out and wishers are left wondering why nothing’s changed. “I wished really hard, why am I not suddenly a movie star with my own line of fragrances?”

You know how people tell you to “put your needs out into the universe”? Newsflash: the universe is busy. It’s got planets to spin, comets to fling, black holes to manage. And, even more important, wishing or manifesting or whatever you want to call it, doesn’t work. In fact, it hurts…

One study looked at two groups of students seeking jobs. First group had high expectations but they also had realistic thoughts about what it would take. Group two had more positive thoughts and more fantasies about success.

Result? Yup, group one did much better. Group two just didn’t try as hard. They sent out fewer applications, received fewer offers and when they did land a job, made less money. Why? Heather Barry Kappes at NYU says, “When you fantasize something very positive, it’s almost like you are actually living it.” Apparently, every single one of these wishful thoughts is a tiny thief, stealing the energy you could have used to achieve your goals.

Forget the five-star fantasy. Embrace the three-star reality and get to work. (There’s no chapter on that in “The Secret”, I assure you.)

So what do hopeful people really believe? The research shows it’s four things, which I shall henceforth refer to as “The Hope Quadrangle”:

• “The future will be better than the present.”
• “I have the power to make it so.”
• “There are many paths to my goals.”
• “None of them is free of obstacles.”

These are the concepts that allow you to believe so fiercely in a better tomorrow that tomorrow actually behaves itself.

(For more on how hope can improve your life, click here.)

Shane says there are three parts to becoming more hopeful: Goals, Agency, and Pathways. We’ll start with goals…

 

Goals

Goals are the scaffolding for hope. And hope without goals is just existential loitering. We want what the literature calls SMART goals: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-bound.

A real goal should be specific enough that if you failed, you could sue yourself for breach of contract. It should be measurable, because if you can’t measure it, it’s just a daydream in business casual. It should be achievable, so no, you can’t “become Beyoncé.” (Unless, of course, you are Beyoncé, in which case I apologize and please carry on.) It should be relevant to your actual life, not some fantasy version of you who wakes up at 5 a.m. to climb mountains. And most scholars agree that “eventually” is a legally inadmissible timeframe.

You want to pick goals that you are excited about. Sounds obvious but, truth is, we often don’t pick ones that excite us. A goal has to make your brain say, “Yes, please,” instead of, “Ugh, are we doing this because that podcast told us to?”

And you want to make the future more salient. This is based on work by Hal Hershfield, professor of marketing at NYU’s Stern School of Business. Here’s how:

• Picture yourself in the future. (Future Me? He’s amazing. He flosses, makes delightful small talk, and definitely doesn’t have a drawer full of expired soy sauce packets.)
• Contrast Future You with Present You. (Present Me has a laundry pile that has its own laundry pile. Annnnd Future Me now feels like a distant cousin I’ll never meet.)

This isn’t meant to depress you. This forces you to notice the obstacles you’ll face. Obstacles are not a bug in the system of hope. They are a design feature, much like the invisible ink in CIA field manuals or the hidden crying chamber in IKEA showrooms. And when you know what the obstacles are, you can plan for them. We do this because we’re hopers, not wishers.

(For more on goal setting than any human would ever need to know, click here.)

Okay, goals are great. Now we gotta do something about ’em…

 

Agency

Agency, if you ask me (which you kind of did), is the ability to move your own life forward without needing a government grant, a trust fund, or a nine-step moon ritual. The idea that you, the alleged adult, are seizing control of your own choices. We’re not just stuck on a conveyor belt of mediocrity; we’re taking charge and making things happen…

And this is where most people fail. Getting off their butt and doing the work. We need to get serious here because you, my friend, are very, very good at ignoring yourself. So we’re going to focus our energy on making the right thing easier to do so you actually do it.

First, you want to set defaults. This means you preselect a step toward your goal that goes into effect unless you take action to change it. How do you make sure a bill gets paid? You have it automatically deducted from your account. How do you make sure you go to the gym? You create a standing appointment with an overly judgmental gym buddy. It’s like the psychological version of baby-proofing the house.

Next you want to leverage “cues.” This is where you create personal algorithms to cue up a good behavior whenever a specific situation arises. One powerful cue is “where/when.” Whenever you set a goal, designate the day, time, and location you will start working on it. Literally 94 studies show this improves your chance of succeeding at a goal. In fact, your chance of exercising regularly goes from 39% to 91% when you use a where/when cue.

Another very powerful cue is “if/then.” Trying to lose weight? Tell yourself, “If I have the urge to break my diet, then I will eat a sugar-free popsicle.” Having a defined response in advance makes you less likely to rationalize and more likely to engage in good behavior.

I’m sure some people are cynical about whether that last one really works. “Yeah, Eric, I’m sure the chips are going to take a hint and retreat to the pantry saying, ‘Oh, sorry, we didn’t realize you were armed with phrases.’”

Fine. We’ll take it to the next level. What’s the best agency boosting trick out there? Precommitment. This is like setting a booby trap for your own bad behavior. Make your commitment public. Tell the kind of person who will mock you mercilessly if you back out. You just added stakes. You just turned your friends into life coaches you can’t fire. Shame is a hell of a drug.

And if that form of precommitment doesn’t motivate you? We have the nuclear option: You give your friend $100. If you follow through? You get the money back. You fail? You lose the money. And, yes, that number is arbitrary. If $100 doesn’t work, try $1000. Or the deed to your house.

(For more on motivation courtesy of the great Dan Pink, click here.)

You have goals. You have agency. Now the final step for increasing hope…

 

Pathways

One of the worst tricks we ever played on ourselves as a species is the myth of the One Path. It’s baked into everything from high school career days to the way college applications ask for “intended majors” from people who still eat pizza at 2 a.m. and call their mom to ask how taxes work. We’re taught to pick a single trajectory and when that path inevitably crumbles, we think we’re failures. Which is, of course, absurd. This is why we need multiple pathways to our goals.

So how do we build good pathways? First, start with your strengths. If you want that promotion and you’re very social, double down on networking. Or are you creative? Wow the boss with an innovative presentation.

A lot of people find brainstorming pathways difficult, but it’s often less an issue of generating new ideas than it is removing limitations. A big one is facing your fears. Your worries frequently rule some pathways out, often to the degree that you’re not even realizing it. People trying to get a better job will eliminate the option of relocating before even seriously considering it. Or they don’t even entertain the thought that going back to school might be the best move. It’s not that they lack options; they’ve just discarded them all preemptively.

Another way to turn discarded pathways into viable ones is to reframe them. Example: research shows networking is powerful, but to many people it feels like adult detention. Solution? Turn it into something fun. Host a bowling night. You know why? Because nobody feels superior while wearing rented shoes. The magic of it is that while everyone’s trying to avoid throwing their back out, they’re actually talking to each other, and before you know it, people are sharing opportunities and making friends.

(For more on achieving success – even as a late bloomer – click here.)

Okay, we’ve learned a lot. Time to round it all up and learn how parents, teachers and leaders can increase hope in those around them…

 

Sum Up

Here’s how to increase hope…

• What Is Hope?: Optimism is the friend who walks into a haunted house and says, “I bet the undead are nice!” Hope is the friend who brings a blunt object. And hope isn’t the same as wishing either. “Passive positive thinking” is code for “Pretending Real Hard.” Hopeful people believe the future will be better – but it’s gonna take some effort.
• Goals: Hopeful people dedicate themselves to SMART goals and make the future more salient. They pick goals that excite them instead of the kind that make you feel like your calendar is plotting against you.
• Agency: It’s about making the right things easier to do. Create good defaults and cues (mostly because this is far cheaper than having someone follow you around with a taser.) And precommit. Turn yourself into an unwilling hostage to your past decisions.
• Pathways: Identify multiple ways to get where you want to go. If one fails, you’re not crestfallen because you already have Plans B, C, D, and if necessary, an entire alphabet of alternative strategies already worked out.

So how do inspire hope in others?

You need to communicate that the future will be better than the present, that everyone on the team has a part in making that happen, and the paths to that goal will require everybody’s commitment and effort.

But there’s one more thing, and it’s the most important part. Your number one duty is to make people excited about the future. You need to shake people by the shoulders (metaphorically, don’t get HR involved) and say: “There’s something good coming and you are part of it!” Not vague encouragement. Not “hang in there” kitten posters. But fire. Passion. Nothing is more contagious than someone who’s genuinely excited about what’s next.

Hope isn’t optimism and it’s not wishing. It involves action. Whenever the future looks bleak, remember: hope doesn’t need a crystal ball — it needs a to-do list. It isn’t about waiting for your ship to come in. It’s more like realizing you might have to steal a boat.

Because when you do feel hopeful, everything gets better. You start seeing your life as one of those glossy, cinematic trailers for a coming-of-age film. There’s a song swelling in the background, and you’re walking through your day with slow-motion vibes. You’re not just surviving anymore; you’re thriving (or at least thriving-adjacent).

It’s about taking action. Because the universe doesn’t actually reward hope…

It rewards being stubborn enough not to take “no” for an answer.