Who’s to blame for this mess?

Trick question. Don’t blame. It makes you less able to deal with the problems of life.

Via The Blame Game: How the Hidden Rules of Credit and Blame Determine Our Success or Failure:

A study conducted by Harvard Medical School psychiatrist George Valliant showed that people who “projected,” or blamed others for their misfortunes, were much less able to adjust to the changing events in their lives… In another study, conducted by psychiatrist Leslie Phillips at Worcester State Hospital, it was found that the more people fell into the pattern of blaming others for their problems, the worse off they became in dealing with their life in general.

Blaming others can actually make you physically ill. And it makes you miserable:

…divorced individuals in the study who blamed ex-spouses, or even themselves, had more anxiety, depression and sleep disorders than individuals who blamed the way that they and their partners interacted.

Blaming external factors is even bad for corporations.

Via The Blame Game: How the Hidden Rules of Credit and Blame Determine Our Success or Failure:

One compelling study showed that organizations that blame themselves for their poor results actually achieve higher stock prices over the long term than those that blame external factors. The researchers studied 655 annual reports issued by fourteen public companies over a twenty-one-year period spanning from 1975 to 1995…

And, sadly, blaming is contagious.

 Stop Blaming Yourself

Yes, you want to learn from mistakes but turns out punishing yourself has a lot of negative consequences. Forgiving yourself can help you reduce procrastination, increase creativity, and, ironically, even increase self-control.

Via The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do To Get More of It:

Study after study shows that self-criticism is consistently associated with less motivation and worse self-control. It is also one of the single biggest predictors of depression, which drains both “I will” power and “I want” power. In contrast, self-compassion— being supportive and kind to yourself, especially in the face of stress and failure— is associated with more motivation and better self-control. 

Forgiveness, not guilt, increases accountability.

Via The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do To Get More of It:

Surprisingly, it’s forgiveness, not guilt, that increases accountability. Researchers have found that taking a self-compassionate point of view on a personal failure makes people more likely to take personal responsibility for the failure than when they take a self-critical point of view. They also are more willing to receive feedback and advice from others, and more likely to learn from the experience.

Resisting blame makes you more productive and happier.

Via The Winner’s Brain: 8 Strategies Great Minds Use to Achieve Success:

A study conducted in Diego’s Pizzagalli’s Harvard-based Affective Neuroscience Laboratory suggests that those who tolerate mistakes show lower activity in the anterior cingulate cortex — the part of the brain that is responsible for monitoring conflicts among different brain signals and that processes the significance of emotional events — and are able to move on to the next task far more easily than those who don’t tolerate their mistakes very well. In fact, those who become overly upset by the errors they make — i.e., failures — may experience more symptoms of anxiety and depression than others.

How can we resist the urge to blame?

When you want to blame yourself, try to find a benefit in the failure.

Via The Winner’s Brain: 8 Strategies Great Minds Use to Achieve Success:

Reframe a failure to find the benefit, even if it’s just a tiny nugget… Sarah Banks and colleagues have provided fMRI evidence that this act of consciously putting a positive spin on things actually changes brain activity patterns, specifically by engaging areas of the prefrontal cortex, which in turn dampens the response from the amygdalae. Consummate reformers like Wyeth and Meili seem able to tame their amygdalae, and thus negative thoughts, in order to translate even the most difficult circumstances into an affirmative challenge.