This Is How To Have A Long Awesome Life: 11 Secrets From Research

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exercising
The sheer volume of pseudoscientific drivel available on the subject of “getting in shape” is so dense, it could collapse in on itself and form a black hole of misinformation.

We are living in a hellish fitness funhouse where every corner is lined with smug, glistening torsos barking contradictory advice. It’s like every gym bro and spiritual moon-juice peddler formed a consortium dedicated to ensuring no two people on Earth can agree on the basic act of moving one’s body. The only consensus seems to be that you’re doing it wrong, no matter what “it” is.

What makes it worse is that whenever actual scientists wade into the fray, armed with peer-reviewed studies and decades of research, no one listens. Because, you know, science doesn’t shout at you through a ring light. It clears its throat, adjusts its glasses, and says, “It depends.” And “it depends” is an unacceptable conclusion unless you’re trying to evade a Senate subcommittee.

People want absolute certainty, and absolute certainty is only available from charlatans.

So who can give us some straight answers from the science?

Alex Hutchinson is the author of “Which Comes First, Cardio or Weights?: Fitness Myths, Training Truths, and Other Surprising Discoveries from the Science of Exercise.

Let’s get to it…

 

How Long Does It Take To Get In Shape?

Scientific Answer: Longer than you’d like.

Your body starts getting healthier hours after your first workout. Blood sugar levels improve, insulin sensitivity kicks up, your heart becomes marginally less of a liability, blah, blah, blah.

Let’s dispense with the niceties, shall we?

When people ask how long, they aren’t asking about health. No one is googling “how soon does my insulin sensitivity improve after resistance training”. No. They want to know when the clerk at Whole Foods will flirt back.

So, the honest question: “How long until I resemble someone whose torso isn’t made of sourdough starter?”

Megan Anderson, exercise scientist (and fun ruiner), did a study where she took 25 sedentary people and made them work out hard for six weeks. Then she paraded them in front of a panel of judges to rate their attractiveness…

The judges couldn’t tell the difference between the before and after.

(Yeah. I know. Sorry.)

The University of Tokyo, clearly not content to let anyone cling to hope, found that even when people trained hard four times a week, real visible muscle growth didn’t kick in until the third month. For the average, half-assing gym-goer? Try six months or more.

Pure weight loss is more flexible because there are many variables like eating habits, genetics, and activity levels. But no matter how you slice it, visible changes will require patience.

(To learn the 5 secrets from neuroscience that will help you lose weight, click here.)

 

Am I Exercising Enough?

Scientific Answer: Assuming you’re exercising at all – yes, but more is better.

Decades of research have settled on two main points: One, every pathetic scrap of exercise counts. And two, more is nearly always better.

The National Institutes of Health studied 250,000 humans and found that if you manage to be barely active, you’re 30% less likely to drop dead anytime soon than if you did nothing. Yes, just being perfunctory about it already moves you a lot further down the grim reaper’s to-do list.

And if you can manage “moderate” exercise, you knock off another 8%. Go “vigorous” and you get 12% more. Simply put, half an hour five times a week effectively cuts your risk of early death by fifty percent.

Unless you’re exercising at professional athlete thresholds, the more you show up and the harder you go, the more you reduce your chances of dying horribly. I mean, sure, you might still die horribly, but you’ll be in great shape when it happens.

(To learn the 4 secrets that will motivate you to exercise, click here.)

 

How Do I “Tone” My Muscles Without Bulking Up?

Scientific Answer: There’s no such thing.

“Toning” doesn’t exist. If you’re poking at your arm and it feels like a pillow even when flexed, that’s not “untoned” muscle. That’s fat. The soft buffer your body hoards in case of a famine that’s never coming.

Here’s the thing marketing departments and influencers will studiously avoid telling you: you have only two options if you want to look more “toned.” You can either grow your muscles or shrink the fat covering them. That’s it. There is no secret third option despite whatever delusional “trick” you saw on Instagram this morning.

And keep in mind that fat loss is a whole-body affair. You cannot just do a thousand squats and expect your thighs to shrink exclusively. It doesn’t work that way. Your body will burn fat from wherever it pleases (which is initially everywhere except the one place you’re most self-conscious about.)

“I can just lift tiny weights a thousand times and get toned.” Nope. That’s the equivalent of me saying I’m an Olympic swimmer because I occasionally take baths. To make muscles bigger you need to lift heavy things. We’re talking 40-50 percent of your one-rep maximum. For the hardcore crowd, it’s 60 percent or more. But most people select weights that are so light they may as well be lifting the concept of effort. Your body responds to that by saying, “We’re not gonna waste energy rearranging ourselves for this.”

“But I don’t want to get bulky.” You’re not accidentally going to wake up looking like The Rock because you pushed yourself in the gym. How many people do you know who suddenly, tragically, irreversibly became buff? This fear is about as scientifically sound as my teenage conviction that I could develop psychic powers if I just squinted hard enough.

(To learn how to live a longer, healthier life, click here.)

 

Should I Do Cardio If I Just Want Muscle? Do I Need To Lift If I Just Want To Be Lean?

Scientific Answer: You need both.

Exercise reduces the risk of heart disease, diabetes, stroke, obesity… You’ve heard this a million times. But most of these benefits are associated with cardio. So you can’t merely pump iron if you want all the health improvements you’ve heard about. (There’s something humbling about realizing that all your carefully curated strength is useless if you can’t run for a bus without seeing God.)

That said, weights are crucial as well. After you hit your thirties, one to two percent of your muscle mass vanishes every year. That’s not a small amount; it’s the biological equivalent of your body slowly repossessing its own furniture while you’re still sitting on it.

Strength training also toughens bones, lowers blood pressure, and staves off depression. And muscle is the primary site for burning fat. More muscle, higher metabolism.

So it’s not weights or cardio. It’s weights and cardio.

(To learn the no-BS science of eating right, click here.)

 

What Are The Benefits Of Yoga?

You mean besides the benefit of telling people you do yoga?

Scientific Answer: Makes you stronger and more flexible. But it’s crap for cardio.

According to a 2001 study at UC-Davis, an eight-week dose of hatha yoga led to measurable increases in strength, muscular endurance, and flexibility. Yes, Downward-Facing Dog, Warrior Pose and the little-known Weeping Child of Divorce Pose, can definitely increase fitness.

The issue is cardio. That same UC-Davis study found a 6% improvement in aerobic fitness. Just six. That’s about the same improvement you’d see from standing up to fetch the remote instead of using a shoe to poke it off the coffee table. And a 2007 study discovered that the average energy burned in a hatha yoga session was equivalent to a “leisurely stroll.” Not a jog. A leisurely stroll.

You’re going to need more if you want top tier cardiovascular health.

(To learn the 6 secrets to getting healthy, click here.)

 

Does Listening To Music Or Watching TV Hurt My Workout?

Scientific Answer: Music good, TV bad.

In 2009, researchers at Britain’s Liverpool John Moores University did a brilliantly sneaky study. They altered music tempo by 10%, and the cyclists under observation unconsciously sped up or slowed down in time with the music. And the subjects didn’t just perform better when the music was faster; they also enjoyed it more. Music can make you work harder while feeling better.

On the other hand, research shows TV can actually slow you down. Unlike music, TV demands active attention. Your workout performance tanks because your brain’s bandwidth is hijacked by plot twists instead of exercise intensity.

(To learn more about the best ways to exercise, click here.)

 

Will I Get A Better Workout If I Hire A Personal Trainer?

Scientific Answer: Yes, it can be beneficial to pay someone to make you whine in public.

They did a study at Ball State. Ten men in one group, ten in the other. Same exercises, same schedule, but one group had a trainer. That group ended up packing on 32% more upper-body strength and a cartoonish 47% more lower-body strength.

What changed? No special advice, no magic supplement. They just lifted more weight because they were being watched. The guys left alone? They didn’t push themselves.

(To learn how to increase longevity, click here.)

 

Should I Exercise When I’m Sick?

Scientific Answer: If it’s just a head cold, yes.

If your body is sending signals that resemble plague symptoms described in medieval woodcuts, it’s time to stay home. But what about when you’re just sniffling and sneezing?

Enter the so-called “neck check”, a rule of thumb offered by Thomas Weidner from Ball State University. If your symptoms are above the neck (runny nose, scratchy throat) you’re cleared for exercise. But if the symptoms have dipped below the neckline (fever, chest cough) then it’s time to rest.

If it’s a head cold, exercising won’t slow your recovery. Weidner actually infected 50 volunteers with rhinovirus (because nothing says “science” like controlled biological warfare) and had half of them exercise moderately while the other half did nothing. The outcome? No difference. The exercisers didn’t get better any slower. And they actually felt slightly better.

(To learn how to have more energy, click here.)

 

How Long Does It Take To Get Out of Shape?

Scientific Answer: Things start going south after two weeks.

According to researchers who specialize in disappointment, it takes roughly two weeks of slacking off before your body starts dismantling your hard-won fitness. Insulin sensitivity deteriorates, fat-burning capabilities diminish, and your metabolism lurches backwards.

By week four, endurance exercise ability plummets back to a pre-exercise baseline. And researchers at the University of Tokyo discovered that three months of strength training evaporate in just one month of rest.

Any good news here? Yes. It’s far easier to keep fitness than to get fitness. Classic studies from the 1980’s show that as long as you maintain intensity, you can cut frequency and duration significantly and maintain fitness for quite a while. So get in an occasional tough workout here and there and you don’t have to lose everything you’ve worked for.

(To learn the 6 secrets to aging well, click here.)

 

At What Time Of Day Am I Strongest And Fastest?

Scientific Answer: Around 6PM.

Researchers put subjects through the Wingate test, which is basically a 30-second “go on, die for science” cycling sprint designed to measure anaerobic power. Peak output was about 8-11 percent higher at 6 p.m. than at 6 a.m. Further study found the same timing held for running, swimming, football, badminton, tennis, etc. Around 6PM was magical.

(To learn the fundamentals of getting healthy, click here.)

 

What Ingredients Do I Really Need In A Sports Drink?

Scientific Answer: You probably don’t need one at all.

They come in colors that do not exist in nature, labelled with names like “Quantum Turbo Electro Boost X9” that sound less like beverages and more like experimental jet engines. But they’re mostly neon bottles of liquefied marketing.

There are precisely three things your body cares about when it comes to sports drinks: fluids, carbs, and salt. That’s it. That’s the list. And what do these three actually-necessary ingredients do?

  • Fluids. If you’re sweating, you lose water. Ergo, you need to replace the water. If this shocks you, I’m guessing your household plants are all dead.
  • Carbs. Basically, sugar. For fast-digesting energy. Splenda or Stevia won’t help.
  • “Electrolytes” is just the marketing term for salt, because salt sounds pedestrian and electrolytes sound like something that powers Iron Man’s suit. Salt helps replace what you lose through sweat, which is critical if you’re running an ultramarathon or rowing across the Atlantic. For the rest of us, salt is largely irrelevant.

Oh, and if you’re just puttering around the gym for under an hour, guess what? You don’t need HydroCore Infinity+ or TurboQuench Elite at all. You just need plain, boring water.

(To learn how to get the best sleep of your life, click here.)

Okay, time to not-round-it all up and get the answer to the question you wonder about after every infomercial: Can I Get Fit By Exercising for Just Minutes Every Week?

 

Sum Up

No way. You already got this with the “Scientific Answer” bits above. I’m not retyping all that. Scroll up. Consider it exercise for your fingers.

So…

Can I Get Fit By Exercising for Just Minutes Every Week?

Scientific Answer: Shockingly, yes.

High-Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) can pretty much do it. It’s efficient and effective. But it ain’t fun:

  • For 30 seconds, sprint or pedal so hard you want to die.
  • Rest for four minutes.
  • Repeat the above four to six times.

Do that three times every week and you’ll be almost as fit as someone spending an hour a day slowly jogging their way to mediocrity. Martin Gibala at McMaster University found that these brief bursts of hell get results: improved exercise capacity, cardiovascular function, and fat-burning metabolism.

Now HIIT isn’t a miracle cure. Gibala himself admits it’s not a panacea, just a way to “get away with less.” But if you’re short on time or breathtakingly lazy (and don’t mind short doses of horrendous pain), it’ll do the trick.

You want to know the final secret to exercise? The one all the scientists and influencers have been keeping from you? Here it is:

You just have to do it.

I know, I know. But that’s the truth. You don’t have to go full athlete. You don’t need to do those terrifying push-ups where you clap in between. Just regularly move with enough vigor that your heart remembers it exists for more than supplying blood to your scrolling thumb.

You don’t have to become a new person. You just have to become the version of yourself that doesn’t treat their body like a storage locker for bad decisions. Occasionally break a sweat that isn’t just from navigating social situations. Don’t worry about doing it right. You’re already doing everything else wrong and surviving just fine. Do it because your muscles are somewhere inside you, quietly sobbing and Googling emancipation lawyers.

Eventually, if you keep going, you might even experience this elusive sensation called “liking it.” (They say that happens. I haven’t seen it personally, but the folklore is rich.)

So get up. Right now. Or tomorrow. Or next Tuesday. I don’t care. But do it. Start. Because that version of you that sticks with it? They’re waiting.

And they’ve already ordered the better-fitting jeans.

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